My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
bring money and cleavage
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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