i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
