we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
