Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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