I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
