I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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