i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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