Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
