Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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