If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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