Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
