mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
