Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
