we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
