I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize