I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
