He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
