dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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