Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
