I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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