I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
