He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
