Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
