was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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