Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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