Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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