Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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