We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
