Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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