so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
