I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize