It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
