u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
