im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had to cum in my sink.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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