just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
