I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i came on her dog
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
