nut hugger
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
