anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
