Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
