i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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