Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
