Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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