So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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