i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
