is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
