I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
