i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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