I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
