I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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