K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
