Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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