I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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