hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So many bounce houses so little time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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