I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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