Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
