So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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