how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
