The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
