i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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