your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
