I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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