Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
