I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
