Moan for me like Helen Keller
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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