I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
As shirtless as possible
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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