My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
