My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
